


Descrepancy

by orphan_account



Category: Star Trek
Genre: Child Abuse, Gen, Miscarriage, Non-Consensual Coming Out, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Non-Graphic Violence, Pregnancy, Tarsus IV, Trans Male Character, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 03:49:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10654299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jim has always known he's a boy, even when everyone is telling him he's a girl.





	Descrepancy

**Author's Note:**

> In case you didn't read the tags, this story does contain non-graphic rape which results in a pregnancy and miscarriage. There is also child abuse and mentions of torture.

Jim didn’t get to begin his transition until he was thirteen. He had known he was boy ever since he was old enough to understand gender, but Winona and Frank kept telling him that he was girl and he was confused. He had been three years old when he told his mom that he was a boy on the inside. Winona had just sighed and told him that she wasn’t going to deal with that.

  
When he was seven years old, he tried to cut his hair short. Frank was livid. He beat him and told him if he ever pulled any shit like that again, there'd be hell to pay, that he wasn't going to have some freak for a niece. As Jim laid on the bathroom floor, bloodied and bruised, hearing Frank shout obscenities and using a girl’s name that Jim had nothing but contempt for, he had never felt more disgusting and wrong.

  
Jim wore boy's’ clothes despite the dirty looks Frank gave him and Winona’s insistences that he wear the dresses she bought him. When Winona would see the baggy jeans and t-shirts Jim would continue to wear, she’d huff and frown and mutter under her breath, but that was better than the violence Frank responded with like he could beat the boy out of Jim. Still, Jim tried to be himself and presented as masculine as he could without Frank going completely ballistic.

  
But then he was thirteen and rebelling because he was angry and dysphoric and depressed. The last straw was Frank’s car and the fact that Jim drove it off a cliff. Frank punched and kicked his fury out on Jim and then sent him away. He had spat that maybe their family on Tarsus IV would have better luck getting the freak out of Jim.

  
Tarsus was a blessing, though. On Tarsus, no one knew what he was, so he chopped off his long blond hair, wrapped his developing breasts, and spoke in the lowest voice he could muster. He told everyone his name was Jim, and that was what people called him. His classmates treated him like one of the guys and not some tomboy infringing on the boys’ club. Best of all, no one looked at him like a girl because he was finally a boy in everyone’s eyes. For the first time in his life, Jim felt like himself.

  
Everything was going great. And then the famine started. When Kodos sent out the order, passing wasn’t a priority anymore. Survival was. Jim kept up appearances as he could, but binding became hot and restrictive and lowering his voice was unimportant when he was worried and frantic. His kids found out pretty soon after the order. But they were his kids, his kids that loved him and needed him, and they called JT regardless. There was no discussion, no coming out, no questions. He was JT, he protected them, he loved them, and that was all anyone needed.

  
Then Kodos’s men captured him.

  
Jim had always hated his body, but he never hated it as much as he did when he was in Kodos’s captivity. Kodos had grinned when he found out Jim was trans, a sinister, evil grin. He raped him. Over and over and over. He was passed around after Kodos had his way like he was nothing more than a pipe. But Jim didn’t give up his kids.

  
They didn’t stop the torture when they found out Jim was pregnant. They still beat him and burned him and raped him. Eight months later, Jim gave birth to a corpse, a mangled little girl he couldn't bear to give a name. It was the only day that they didn’t hurt him. They didn’t even come into his cell as he grieved.

  
The Federation rescued him a week later. The baby never got a funeral.

  
When he turned sixteen, Jim finally emancipated himself from Winona and Frank and began hormone replacement therapy. After a few weeks, his voice was finally as low as a cis man’s. Jim couldn’t help but cry tears of joy. He spent the whole day talking to himself, talking to everyone he happened by, talking and talking until his throat was sore. He finally had his real voice.

  
He worked grueling jobs for more hours a week than seemed healthy. The labor helped him bulk up and he made fairly good pay, and after two and a half years, he’d saved up enough for a top surgery. It took a while to find a doctor that would do his surgery without a therapist’s note or permission from his parents despite his age and emancipation, but he did find someone. The surgery didn’t even leave scars on his chest. He kept his lower body the same, but only for the sake of saving himself the money and physical trauma.

  
By the time Jim joined Starfleet, being trans almost never came up. Bones, being Jim’s primary physician, knew and he accepted Jim wholly. When Jim had shown him his medical records, Bones had just nodded like nothing was out of the ordinary. Jim was scared to prod, but he needed to know if he could trust Bones, so he asked. Bones said, “Jim, this is the 23rd century. If you say you’re a man, that’s what you are. It’s not my place to say a goddamn thing about it.”

  
Pike knew, having known Jim when he was young and accompanying Winona on a ship. But they were the only ones. When he had found Jim in the bar fight, Jim had joked that he looked a bit different than when he was a kid. Pike frowned and told Jim, “You may not remember our first meeting too well, kid, but I remember it like it was yesterday.”

  
“Hm?” Jim looked up at him in surprise.

  
“You were seven years old. Winona brought you on a trip to the Yorktown where I was stationed. You had that choppy short hair, which she lamented about. She had put a blue bow in it, like people needed a sign about your gender. When she introduced you, she used that name and I could see the pain in your eyes. I knew that moment that you weren’t a girl no matter what your mother said or what she made you wear,” Pike said gruffly.

  
Jim suddenly remembered that day. He stared down at the drink in his hands and whispered, “You asked me what my real name was.”

  
“Yeah. You told me you wanted to be called Jim.”

  
“Thank you,” Was all Jim replied with.

  
The only other time it ever came close to coming up is when people hear the name Kirk and ask about the Kelvin Baby. He usually just told them that George and Winona had a son, not a daughter, and people were satisfied with that.

  
Jim was comfortable with himself, was himself, and that was all that mattered.

  
But sometimes... sometimes, it was hard not letting people know that he’s trans. Like an instance where Uhura and Gaila were discussing abortion and women’s reproductive rights. Jim leaned in and opened his mouth to contribute, but Uhura glared at him and says, “Kirk, this isn’t a discussion that involves your opinion.”

  
Jim wanted to tell her that yes, yes it does. He knew the frustration of controlling legislation, the pain of periods, the agony of childbirth, the complete and utter torment of a miscarriage. Jim knew it well and he deserved a voice in the conversation. But he didn’t want to become the trans cadet, emphasis on trans, in anyone’s eyes, so he shut his mouth. He sat back, a bitter taste in his mouth and an infuriatingly familiar shame settling in his stomach.

  
It all came out anyway. In the beginning of his second year at the academy, fresher’s week was raging on worse than usual. The pranks were intense and inescapable. While Jim was in the gym shower, some upperclassmen came and stole his clothes. Jim luckily found a towel and wrapped it around his waist as he shamefully trekked across campus to his dorm, smiling bashfully as people pointed and laughed.

  
It happened in the middle of campus, when everyone was walking to their next classes, the courtyard filled with people. The cruel upperclassmen who had stolen his clothes snatched the towel away before he could even realize what was happening.

  
Jim was exposed in front of everyone, his naked body and secret laid out for everyone to see.

 

By the next period, rumors were being spread like wildfire; Kirk’s a hermaphrodite, his dick got cut off, he's actually a genderless alien. It isn't even the next day before Jim had to dispel the rumors. He made a post online explaining his transition about how he struggled with wanting to come out, about his experience with transphobia. He put it up and tried to forget about instantly. He ignored the dozens of comments that the post gets within an hour.

  
Coming out wasn’t as bad as Jim thought. A few assholes took to mocking him, a few more lacked the tact to not ask about his genitals and deadname, but most people supported him. He felt free having it out in the open. He was being who he was, and pride replaced shame.  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Let me know what you thought in the comments and leave kudos if you enjoyed it.


End file.
